I can never tell the difference between these two damn Disorders. The only one difference I see is that with Bipolar you have ups and downs (maniclly speaking). So does anyone really know any real differences? Have you been diagnosed with both? If so we would love for you to share with us what it is you do to control the both of them.
Tomorrow is my first of many Psych Doctor appointments. I’m scared shitless about having to go back to the Doctor. Course at the same time, I never should have stopped going. But how do you force someone with no health insurance or cash to go to the Doctor? You can’t. Trust me my family has tried for years. LOL. So now its going to be medications for Bipolar as well as medication for Borderline Personality Disorder. UGH someone help me! More fucking medicine. I get so sick of taking all the drugs I do, how will i add whatever they decide to put me on. Currently, I’m on 9 medications plus 6 vitamins.
I’m depressed! I just found out my son is very sick. I hate that I can’t be in Ohio with him, but Larry is right. I’m no good to him this way or at this point. I hate it when Larry is right but don’t tell him. LOL. If I were to go up there, which I can’t due to no money, I’d get scared, bitchy, flighty, and want to fight with my dad and his dad. Nothing a good thing when ll I want to do is nurture my child back to good health.
I’ve started having hallucinations. I see creepy crawling things, my skin is constantly crawling as if there is a bug on me when I know there isn’t. But it’s the things I see that bother me most. Why in the fuck am I seeing this shit! I’ve never seen anything like it before. Does that mean my Bipolar is getting worse? I don’t understand this!!!!!!!
My question for the day to myself is: why do I want to live? My answer: I don’t but I won’t commit suicide either. Most people who self mutilate do just that to prevent the desire for suicide. Thats the difference in the 2. They look for a way out of the pain and transfer it to another part of their body. Sure thats not the answer, but we all do what we have to to cope. For me self mutilating is a welcome hurt. No smack me or poke me with a stick and thats a different hurt to me. That actually hurts me, self mutilating only hurts me on the surface after I’ve done it.
I watched the movie, “Almost Famous”, the other night. I feel like one of the main characters did when he climbed up on the roof and screamed, “I’m a golden god”. LOL. So many of us wish we could feel like that all the time, but when I’m on a manic episode, that is exactly how I feel. Oh hell, I just realized today is a manic day! I so dislike manic days just as much as depression days. I want to be fucking normal! Will normalcy ever be reached?
A few ways I cope
- music, course you have to watch listening to music that may trigger you.
- change eating habits
- play in the rain instead of letting it be a bad gray day
- cook, cooking can be a great stress reliever
- take photos, I drive people nuts some days taking one photo after another. LOL
- reading, sure I wont remember the book the next day, but I’ll enjoy it in that moment while I can
I think that’s enough to get started when your having a Bipolar episode or a Borderline Personality episode.
Have a great day! Will be working on my website. Be sure to come visit me there. http://www.awanderersmind.com
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